Silvia Marzo was a Biology and Chemist teacher in her beginnings, but she decided to be a Sexual Health Promoter when she spotted issues in the educational system. “I have always talked about sexology in a very open way with my family, but when I started teaching I noticed it was not approached in the right way at school.”
In Spain, the first sex talk for the vast majority of young people takes place when they are fourteen or fifteen years old, but all of them have already internalized incorrect behaviours or prejudices at this point. In the Netherlands, for instance, children start to have sex education at the age of four, but according to current studies, they do not feel satisfied with the results when they have their first experiences. The age is important, but the perspective could be very relevant.
As a result of this lack of knowledge and confusion on the subject, our future generations generate doubts about sex and sexuality, and use porn to get answers. Concerning a Save the Children survey, 8 out of 10 boys watch porn regularly, and more than 50% use to get ideas from here to try in their sexual life. “The problem is when teenagers normalize aggressive sex, absence of communication, and sex without a condom,” the expert claims. Porn does not represent the reality, or at least, a healthy reality in which young people can feel free and comfortable. The bodies and the moans in the porn are dishonest, and the adolescence looks for them in real life. They do not matter if it is in a toxic way: comparing physical appearances and even feigning pleasure in the bed. “The porn is accessible to everyone. It appears on the Internet even when you search for things that are not related to sex, so we have to manage the problem by keeping in mind that porn is not going to disappear overnight,” Silvia tells us.
The formation of unequal sexual relations is another problematic consequence of porn. The pornography contains sexist behaviours in, mostly, heterosexual relations, in which the role of the woman is clearly treated as an object. “The only goal in sex is men’s desire. Women’s needs are not portrayed because the producers, directors, and cameras are men”, says the sexologist. The pornography industry mixes eroticism and women’s subordination. “Children learn that the humiliation is sex and that is the big problem.”
And it is not surprising that only 65% of the time when women have sex with men do they reach orgasm, according to a study done by Achieves of Sexual Behaviour. It is a cycle: if women are more coerced in sex, they do not say what they prefer during sexual relations. But the origin of these behaviours lies in childhood. Silvia explains how introducing negative ideas about sexuality in our subconscious these first years of life, such as something bad and dirty, especially in girls, can generate limitations when it comes to having sex.
“The main issue is that we confuse sexuality and sex. Sex is only a small part of sexuality, and sexuality is present in all stages of life in very different ways.” If our society is capable to normalize sexuality, talking about sex would be a consequence of a natural process. Until we remove the morbidity from sexuality, we will not be able to explain it as a part of us, and sex will be remaining the big taboo.
Now it is the turn of the young people, who are struggling in their first sexual experiences without any previous knowledge. They have it in their power to change the sex instruction of future generations: but are they aware of the education failures that the expert Silvia explains?